Longread. Somewhere in Parallel universe


Blockchain infrastructure in former Africa is underdeveloped. This was announced by our lord emperor at the world government regular meeting.

We won’t be able to effectively control activity of our lieges without the blockchain. More that 10 million people in Africa are still not chipped, while mining servers have interruptions in their operation, our lord emperor said.

As is known, following the victory of glorious good powers over bloodthirsty democratic alliance, the newly established world government decreed the whole population to be chipped, and each person’s activity to be recorded into the blockchain via the said chips. In order to maintain control over the Earth’s population a dedicated Bureau for Implementation of Total Control over Humankind (BITCH) was established. Thanks to the blockchain technology, the BITCH is capable of real-time monitoring of any person’s behavior.

The blockchain also bears information on every citizen of the empire, and may be employed to transmit self-destruction signal to the integrated chip if a person that holds it turns out to be undesired for our lord emperor. As is known, more than 60 million people had been executed that way last year as the BITCH found them guilty in preparing an extraterrestrial invasion.

Our lord emperor also commented on the work of the imperial ministry of propaganda. He said that the empires anthem, as proposed by the ministry, is completely unacceptable as it contradicts his personal aesthetic preferences.

Alice in blockchains? Have you completely gone nuts? he declared.

Also the world government meeting discussed taxation of natural persons by means of the chips.

If they can pay at a store just fingering a pad, why can’t they pat taxes fingering themselves? uprightly questioned our gracious and most merciful lord emperor.

Following our lord emperor’s advice, the world government decreed that each contact between a person’s finger and any other part of the person’s body will now be taxed.

The aliens are about to attack. We need more money! commented Johann-Fyodor Hitlerstein-Zadunaiski, head of the world government, commented on the issue.

Also the world government decided to replace Venezuela with a palladium monument to our lord emperor. Funding sources for the erection are classified due to the alien invasion threat.

The extraterrestrials, when reached for comments, returned no reply, which may seem an alarming sign.

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